On our very first date, I knew that God and religion were important to Sebastian. He brought the topic up, in a casual way, more times than most people I knew. Since it was quite obvious that being Catholic was an important part of who he was, I filled him in on my spiritual beliefs right off the bat. No reason to continue down the road of relationship building if dating a Pagan was not in his cards.
Turns out, he was fine with it. In fact, I knew he was serious about me when I found out he had spent an entire day browsing the web, learning all he could about paganism. However, we often hear how shocked people are that we are together, a Pagan and a Catholic. How can two devote people of such different beliefs manage to make it work?
I have to say, one thing that makes it incredibly easy is the fact that we do not have children together. I handle Matthew’s religious upbringing and Sebastian handles Gabby’s. No need to argue over what each child will be taught.
What doesn’t make it easy is the lack of information out there on the world wide web. When we first became serious, I Googled“Interfaith Relationships” and what I found was a great deal of information on how a Jewish/Christian couple could make things work, including entire support communities.
Man was I jealous! There seems to be bit more generalized information out there now, but now we seemed to have worked out most of our kinks.
Sebastian gifts me with wonderful, thoughtful greeting cards on each of my sabbats. I usually get a text message sometime during the day as well. This is a wonderful way of honoring me and my belief system. He also has attended public family rituals as well.
I attend Midnight Mass with Sebastian each year, although we have learned to stir clear of the conservative churches. I enjoy the ritual of the mass, which by the way, is very reminiscent of a pagan ritual, and the presence of Mary while Sebastian gets in his time.
During the month of December, we celebrate Sinterklaas for Sebastian, Yule of me, and Christmas for the rest of the family.
I remind Sebastian each Sunday morning, that if he doesn’t get in the shower soon he will miss Mass.
We engage in theological discussions, sometimes intense (mostly from my side), yet all in all we both firmly believe that everyone has their own relationship with the Divine and no path is right for everyone. These discussions often happen around and involve the children. Each has learned from these discussions that there can and should be differing beliefs and that you should have a firm understanding of your own beliefs and religion.
Lastly, we don’t focus on what makes our beliefs different. We know they are there, we respect them and do not mandate that the other gives up those ideas, attitudes, or beliefs. If we did, we never could be together. We allow each other to celebrate our beliefs as needed and participate when we can. If we can’t, we don’t argue or feel disappointed.
We also find the familiar threads and celebrate and connect through those threads. We scour the country for beautiful statues of Mary. We celebrate the birth of the God in December. We embrace our call to cherish the earth and all of creation. We honor each other’s love of the Divine.
All in all, we are an example of how a Pagan and a Catholic can find a way to share even their spiritual selves with their partners and live in a spiritual home.
Now that there seems to be more out there for Pagan and Christian couples, here are just a few articles I found helpful:
- 7 Ways To Make Interfaith Relationships Work
- How to Make Interfaith Relationships Work
- Interfaith Relationships: How to Survive Them and Not End Up Hating Each Other
- My name is Jacki and I am a divorced, Pagan mom trying to raise a son in a blended interfaith family. At The Raven's Spell you will find musings on motherhood, spirituality, divorce, and the blending of families. If you enjoy what you read, please be sure to find a way to follow.
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